God, Can I Ask You a Question?

Bethel Music wasn’t kidding- You have called me out beyond the shore into the waves, and You make me brave. 

A month ago I took a step of faith and went to conference with Cru. During this time, You broke down my walls of self-righteousness and insecurity. I laid so much pain and heartache and suffering at the foot of Your Cross. And unlike in the past, I actually left it there. I experienced genuine healing and comfort when I didn’t know I could in such damaged parts of my life. I became new in You.

That week in Portland led to what seemed like a small, innocent prayer- to use me for Your will. To be transformed into Your image, as well as guidance and strength to follow Your true path for me. Little did I know You were about to turn my life upside-down. 

The theme of the conference was an Upside-Down Kingdom and You’ve definitely shown me what that means in my life. I have since taken leap after leap of faith, pursing You in bold surrender for the past month. You took my hand and pulled me out onto deep waters and showed me that with You, I can do all things. 

But at the end of the day, I still sit here and wonder:

Why me? Why now? 

I’m honestly not surprised that the very thing You have called me to do scares me the most. 

But, I seem to be battling with feeling unworthy in this new adventure You have called me to. But, I seem to be coming out on top more often when I put my trust in Your hands. I still don’t understand why You chose to rock the boat, but I’m starting to find rest in Your timing. 

No matter how hard this gets, I refuse to let the uncertainty of not knowing how this will end stop me from starting, and I won’t let the voice of my desires overshadow Yours. 

So for now, I’m going to find rest in this beautiful thing You’ve created called imperfect progress– slow steps of faith wrapped in grace. 

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