This past year has been a whirlwind. It has been a domino effect of tragedy and chaos, which has been a learning process in and of itself.
I have spent a lot of time within the last few months loving myself and learning about who I am. All of which began when I removed an incredibly large amount of toxicity from my life and started dancing to my own beat. I found a healing love for music and concerts, and my own little family to experience it with. I came to terms with my own philosophy of life and let go of prior restraints, which exposed me to a freedom I have come to love and enjoy.
The biggest lesson I learned was about myself, which began at the end of November when I removed a long-term toxic relationship from my life. I finally began to see myself as valuable and worthy- of life, of love, of taking up space and being heard. I gained confidence in myself and started holding my expectations for how others were allowed treat me much higher than I had before. I lost quite a few friends when they could no longer walk all over me. Man, it felt good to demand respect from people who previously treated me poorly because since then, only true and loving friends have remained. As a wise woman I know once said, the people unwilling to respect your boundaries are the ones who are unworthy of your time.
During this year of magnificent transformations, I experienced so much support from family and friends as they saw the intentional effort on my part to become a better person. There were countless nights of tears and fighting the mental and emotional mindset I had developed as a teenager with severe depression. These nights were met the next morning with intense love from those around me who were reassuring and confident in my season of growth.
I have since gained the greatest love I have yet to experience (I do not plan to let this go any time soon.. or ever if I can help it). A part of my heart always held onto this man since the day we met 8 years ago- even through the various people we dated in between. From day one he had a special place in my heart and was unwavering on his own efforts. I’m thankful we never truly tested the waters at a young age because I was so broken I could have never loved him well. Even more, I am thankful for the happenstance that allowed us to reconnect after a momentary lapse in contact at the most perfect time.
My lengthy soul-searching and growing lead me to a place of healing, which allowed me the freedom and confidence to jump into a new, strong love story I never expected.
It’s been quite the journey, and I am more at peace with myself than I have ever been previously. Thank you to the friends and family who have shown me tremendous grace as I’ve evolved into a more compassionate and wholistic person. Time does lead to change; it simply requires space and patience to develop.